National Coming Out Day

Most of my friends are fairly progressive in their belief systems.  Most of my friends are not only "tolerant" of gays and lesbians, but, in fact, believe that gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual and transgender people are, above all else, people.  People who deserve the same rights as currently held by heterosexual people.

So it has been a horrible reminder nearly each morning when I open up my newspaper & read yet another example of people being hurt, physically & emotionally, simply because of their sexual orientation.  The rage and hate that is being expressed by the perpetrators is shocking because these people completely forget that they are attacking another human being.  They no longer recognize the humanity in their victim, & truly, in themselves.

I am not so naive as to think that some day everyone, across the planet, will live in total peace and harmony.  There will always be forces in place in our societies that create feelings of envy, fear, oppression & inequality.  Just as bullying occurs within a microcosm society, such as school, in part as a result of feeling a lack of control over one's life/experiences within that society, bigotry & oppression occurs when one feels a need to blame someone else for the troubles in one's life.

And they feel justified: How dare those gays make me feel uncomfortable!  How dare they want to marry, raise children, kiss in public, work next to me, teach children, fight wars, play sports - normalizing their lifestyle & spreading their gay agenda!

I don't understand their fear.  I don't understand their anger.  And I absolutely don't understand their raging attacks.  Where did they learn to hate?  How did they get to this place where attacking others is OK?  Why do they think teasing, bullying & mocking people is normal, but the person they are targeting is not normal.

I want to believe that society is changing - that attitudes about sexual behavior between consenting adults is no longer a trigger for hate crimes.  I want to believe that the people I care about won't be hurt by someone else just because they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual or transgendered.  I want to believe that the people I don't even know won't be hurt by someone else just because they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual or transgendered.

Before you judge a person for their sexual orientation, please remember:  they are a person.  They are someone's child, sibling, cousin, parent, spouse, loved one, friend, neighbor, co-worker.  They are as worthy of love & respect as you.

Stop the hate.

If I'm right, are you wrong?

We've been thinking about why so many people respond so negatively to the portrayal of our unschooling lifestyle. Of course, many people just don't take the time to think about it - they react emotionally, and outright reject it without understanding what we're doing (frustrating - there's just no discussion to be had there). But others clearly put some thought into it, and ask some decent questions (very school oriented, but they are loooking for some information and can't ask from our point of view very easily), and still come away very negative. There are probably many reasons for this, but one of them is likely this: if you accept our choice for educating our children, then it invalidates what you are doing for your kids, and would make you wrong. (People don't like to be told, or to find out, that they are wrong.)

I can hear some people saying "yup, it's true - we're right, and they're wrong!" but that's not my perspective. I believe that many of us are really trying to say "we strongly believe that this choice is best for our children; just as we are free to decide what is best for our family, you are free to decide what is best for your family." I also believe that unschooling (especially radical unschooling) is *not* for everyone. I think, for example, that a family could be a good candidate to move to unschooling if they meet the following criteria:

1. The school system is failing your kid(s) in some important way (where 'important' is up to the kids and parents, not from the institution's perspective, e.g. just test scores).
2. At least one parent is willing to devote the time and energy required to unschool.
3. You are prepared to change the way you look at education and how kids think, learn, and behave.

Now, this is just one way to look at it, and I'm not trying to put all unschoolers in the same category. However, many people cannot provide a reasonable environment (and mindset) at home for unschooling; likewise, there are many kids who can handle (and are handling) the school lifestyle and are thriving. It's not my intention to tell someone that if school is working for them, or if they are not ready to devote the time and consider our viewpoint, that they should unschool anyway. I have heard the story from mmany unschooling parents of how they came to embrace unschooling, and in many cases they didn't know all along that they would unschool (it's true for some, but not most); rather, it was a journey that had many challenges for one or both parents. We have no idea how a particular family got to where they are (schooling or otherwise), so we can't say what they should do now in their lives.

So I need to make sure my message comes across as: "I've found a way of educating my kids that works best for us; it's not one that will work for everyone. Looks like you've found a way that works for you - that's great! After all, it's all about making sure our kids are ready for their future, right?" Or something like that. Of course, for those who really want to understand what we do, and to see if it's for them, I'm happy to engage in a deeper, more meaningful conversation.

If people are willing to listen to our core messages, and they are willing to accept that we have the right to make this choice, and they are willing to accept that our decision does not invalidate their decision, then I think we've accomplished a lot.