Are children capable of making 'good' choices?

We've heard many times over the past couple of weeks that, basically, if not forced, kids will always make a choice that is 'easiest' on them (with the implication that 'easiest' means the choice which requires the least amount of work, or is the most fun). The most common one is that kids will always watch TV instead of reading. It caused me to pay attention to some of the choices that my kids have been making (and wonder about how we ended up with so, so many books in the house). Here are some recent examples:

Options: Sleep late or get up early to help take the RV in to get serviced. Choice: go to the RV dealer.
Options: Anything on the menu at Applebee's. Choice: salad.
Options: Chocolate croissant vs. watermelon. Choice: watermelon.
Options: A donut at Dunkin Donuts. Choice: no thanks.
Options: Watch TV or help Mom by washing the dishes. Choice: wash dishes.
Options: Play the Wii or help dig a garden. Choice: dig the garden.

This by no means represents all the choices that my kids had the opportunity to make recently, but it helps to confirm my faith in my children. It's also not meant to assert that our kids make way better choices than any one else - just that they don't have to be forced to make them.

We've also heard the assumption that if kids aren't assigned chores, then they won't do any work around the house. Again, the implication here is that kids are lazy and will always take the easy way out. Some tasks that our kids do that have become the 'norm' even though we don't have chores:

Take out the garbage and recyclables.
Empty the dishwasher.
Put away the groceries.
Go grocery shopping.
Do her own laundry (my daughter).

Now, this isn't meant to be earth shattering information, or for that matter an exhaustive list of what our kids do around the house - it's meant to represent just small points. When we talk to the kids about chores (or more accurately, about helping around the house), it becomes a matter of choices - they understand that if the parents do all the work, then the parents will be tired and will have less time available to spend with the kids. They also understand that helping others feels good - and that helping those you love feels really good. This is something that they are quite able to learn all on their own, with the guidance of their parents.

What we wish the media shared about us...

We’ve been proactively exposing our kids for years to the many different ideas & things that exist in the world & they do choose to learn about interesting & complicated stuff, such as mythology, forensic science, geography, geology, opera, Shakespeare.  They have been reading since they were little - before school-age - & read every single day from numerous types of literature.

Kimi & Shaun can learn organically or formally - it’s their choice how they get their information.  They didn’t need classes to learn those things already mentioned as well how to swim, ski, hike, climb rock walls, read, figure out math problems, type, spell & write.  Things they have chosen to attend classes for include zoo school, a NASA simulation, sword fighting & historical weapons, gymnastics, Japanese culture, French, creative writing & robotics.  

There are a large number of radical unschoolers who are currently in college or already part of the work force.  They are positively engaged in society, not lost souls who can’t hold a job or take care of themselves.  Most 13 or 15 year olds don’t feel ready for college, no matter how they are being educated, so judging unschoolers differently is hypocritical.  Our kids will pursue whatever form of higher education they want because of specific goals they have set for themselves, not just because that’s what everyone is supposed to do.

There is a huge difference between no rules and no arbitrary rules.  When rules feel arbitrary people of all ages will fight back, sometime subtly, sometimes blatantly.  Our family “rules” are actually principles, with trust, respect & honesty always supporting the decision-making process.  As they internalize these principles, they are armed with the character tools needed to make logical, informed decisions and behave with honor and integrity, no matter how amazing or mundane the task.

Typical day?  Fortunately, unschoolers don't have a monotonous routine 5 days a week, 9 months out of the year!  "Typical" depends on the type of day.  

When we’re traveling, we have places to visit & things to do based upon whether the place is new to us or not.  This could include going to museums, zoos, national parks, cities, beaches, or musical or theatrical events.

When we’re home, the kids have various activities that they are engaged in, which could be done alone, with each other or us, or with a group of friends.  Activities include reading about, researching or exploring something that they are currently interested in, socializing with friends, working on projects, running errands or helping around the house.  Some days they have their classes to go to.  It varies & they are always busy & engaged in some activity.

Our kids are thoroughly engaged in their community - not being in school frees them to interact with many different people, doing different jobs, of different ages & backgrounds.  Their friendships & acquaintances provide them with a wider point of view of life styles that are different from their own.  The issues of bullying, cliques & negative peer pressure are not a part of their lives - they can't imagine why people would treat others that way.

Why can't learning be a joyful thing?  Why do so many people want children to "endure" - what does that say about their own lives?  And why do so many people think so little about the capabilities & work ethic of children, teens & young adults?  If so many are so lazy, well, were they unschooled or schooled - & if they were schooled (which we all know most were) then how can you attack unschoolers instead of the school system that begot these "lazy" adults?

I'm not saying the public school is all bad, even when it doesn't have a 100% success rate.  There are families that are not equipped, for various reasons, to unschool their children.  But the system is far from perfect.  Unschoolers are not perfect, but somehow we are expected to do better than what the school system is able to do.  I hope that those families looking for alternatives can find useful, factual information to help them make decisions that enhance their lives & the lives of their children.